


Christmas Mishaps

by marshmellow_sirel



Category: LazyTown
Genre: Christmas, M/M, Modern AU, daughter swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 13:50:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13148013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marshmellow_sirel/pseuds/marshmellow_sirel
Summary: Robbie takes his daughter to see Santa Claus and he can't help but to stare at one of the worker elves.





	Christmas Mishaps

Christmas was a terrible time to be alive or at least that was what Robbie felt like whenever he tried to do just about anything. Go to the grocery store? Hassle. He needed to push an old lady yelling at a hapless employee about the size of the turkeys. Drive anywhere? Hassle. Traffic backed up by everyone trying to go shopping for terrible, terrible gifts. Shopping? The worst hassle of them all. Just trying to buy his baby girl anything, let alone gifts, took more time than it ever did just for some new tights. Now, bless her sweet little heart, she wanted to go to the ultimate hell on earth during Christmas time: the mall.

Stephanie wanted to go see Santa and how could Robbie deny his beautiful pink daughter this simple wish? Frankly, a part of him wished he could say no but he couldn’t do it. So they picked a date, Robbie called in a reservation (he thanked every known God and celestial because if he had to wait an hour in a crowd of screaming kids and oblivious parents he might die) and finished her holiday dress.

The day Robbie dreaded came faster than he realized and it was time to drive to the mall to see Santa Claus. It was worse than he imagined. He hoped it would be an in-and-out ordeal. Of course, it wasn’t. He was surrounded by screaming children and terrible parents for twenty-five minutes. Stephanie tried to assuage the kids around her but to no real avail. Robbie dug through his pockets and hoped that he remembered to bring headache medicine. Naturally, he didn’t because he had terrible luck.

Workers dressed as elves weaved through the line to talk to the parents and write check marks down with decorative pencils on their decorative clipboards. Robbie felt like he wanted to crawl out of his skin at the thought of speaking to these overly cheerful people. All he wanted to do was for Stephanie to get her picture taken and then leave.

“Hi there, welcome to Santa’s Village in the East Bigcity Mall,” said an elf with a ridiculous mustache in an overly cheery tone. “What’s the name of the reservation?”

“Meanswell-Rotten,” replied Robbie. The elf wore a ridiculous costume to match that ridiculous mustache but Robbie couldn’t help but notice the sleeves straining at the seams. Two reasons for that: the obvious being the outfit was poorly tailored but the second one was that the man packed some guns under that under that tacky blue elf costume.

“Stephanie, right?” The elf asked with a big smile to which Stephanie nodded enthusiastically. “My name is Sportacus—” Robbie had to snort at the dumb name “—and I’m one of Santa’s helpers,” he continued regardless. “I saw that you were helping other kids in line so I know you’re on the Nice List. What’s your wish for Christmas this year?”

Stephanie got that peculiar smile on her face when she had something sneaky up her sleeve. “I have everything I need so I’m going to ask Santa for something special. I don’t want to tell you because then it may not come true. Wishes are weird like that.”

“Really? Wow. That’s so nice of you, Stephanie. No wonder you’re on the Nice List!” Sportacus chuckled, “You’ll see Santa in a few minutes, okay?” He smiled and then moved to the next group behind Robbie and Stephanie.

Something about his smile made Robbie’s stomach backflip and it bothered him. A short man in a stupid costume with a stupider mustache was nothing to be bothered about but then every glance he took he saw the man’s sleeves strain. Robbie told himself it was his professionalism that told him that the costume was tailored wrong and he wanted to fix it. That was it. Yes.

Sportacus walked back up to the front and led Stephanie and Robbie through an ornate door towards Santa’s room. It was a small room decorated with a fake fireplace, a mantel covered in small trinkets (Robbie noticed the small straw goat wrapped with red ribbon and smiled) and a big chair with the man himself. A lady dressed as an elf manned the camera and the lights. “Is it okay if I lift you up, Stephanie?” asked Sportacus. Stephanie handed Robbie her purse before she nodded and Sportacus lifted her up easily to sit on Santa’s lap.

Again, Robbie told himself that it was professionalism that he kept staring at the man’s arms. They nearly tore through the costume and that was the reason it bothered Robbie because poorly tailored things bother tailors. Sportacus smiled at Robbie before he left and Robbie watched him leave.

Stephanie sat on Santa Claus’s lap. “Stephanie, my girl, you’ve been so good this year. My elf even told me that you were even helping the other children in line.” He interjected a jolly laugh and a ho ho ho. “That’s so kind of you, Stephanie. Please, tell me your Christmas wish?”

“I have everything I could ever want but I do have one wish.” She leaned close and whispered into his ear. “That’s all I want for Christmas,” she said with that peculiar smile again.

“Ho, ho, ho,” said Santa. “That’s truly the mark of a good and kind child to think of others when they want to wish for something. Now I know that you have everything but I may leave a little treat under the tree, anyway.” He gave a jolly laugh and Stephanie laughed with him.

The Lady elf said, “Smile, Stephanie!” The lights flashed, the camera clicked, and then Robbie was told a high-res photo would be emailed to him with a big thank you for visiting Santa’s Village East Bigcity Mall. The whole thing seemed anticlimactic to Robbie but Stephanie loved it. They left with a candy cane each.

They walked around Santa’s Village and Robbie watched Sportacus talk with the other parents. He kept staring at those arms of his because those sleeves were really tight. Professionalism, Robbie told himself, professionalism.

“What are you looking at?” Stephanie said with that peculiar smile again.

Robbie shrugged, “Those costumes are really something, you know; poor design, weak seams, and just terrible material. It’s a bad kind of something, I think.”

Stephanie twirled her skirt as she walked, “I think…” she said slowly “That you were looking at that elf.”

“You are an awful child. Who raised you?”

“An awful father,” said Stephanie with a giggle.

Robbie held his hands over his heart and gasped dramatically. “That’s an awful thing for an awful child to say.” He threw up his hands. “That’s it. I’m putting you up for adoption.” His hands dropped to his sides and swayed as he walked.

Stephanie shrieked and wrapped her arms around his. “No, it’s too late. You’re stuck with me. Forever.” She laughed and held onto him. “Thank you for taking me to see Santa, dad, I know you hate it.”

“I wouldn’t say hate, per say, exactly…”

“You hate it.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s why I’m thankful you took me anyway. Just like I’m thankful that you made me this pretty dress. I can’t wait to show it off at the party next week.”

Robbie smiled, “I see what you’re doing, Pinkie, trying to butter me up so I’ll keep you.”

“Is it working?”

Robbie planted a kiss on the top of Stephanie’s pink head. “I suppose I’ll keep you for a little while longer.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and smiled, “I’m not an awful father, right?”

“Only if I’m not an awful child, no.”

“You got me there, Pinkie, you’re not an awful child. Awful children don’t get to be on Santa’s Nice List because they get coal instead.” He bent down to talk into her ear. “You know, naughty children are the ones who have to harvest that coal for other naughty children. It’s not just a terrible gift to get in your stocking; it’s a warning. If you get coal three times then Santa stuffs you in his bag and whisks you away to the coal mine for the naughty children.”

Stephanie pushed him away, “No, don’t say that. Santa Claus is a benevolent magical creature that doesn’t kidnap children.” She crossed her arms and frowned at her dad. “Bad dad.”

“You’re right. He gets his underlings to do it for him,” said Robbie. “The biggest strongest elf will kidnap the naughtiest of children.”

“Like that elf you kept staring at?”

Robbie stopped to look through a storefront. “There you go talking like an awful child again.” He really didn’t know where she came up with all of this. “I told you it was because his costume was poorly tailored.” He looked at the wares of the knick-knack store and Stephanie stood beside him.

“You sure it was the costume you were staring at?”

He refused to answer that question because he answered it already: it was the costume and nothing else. A music box sat on a pedestal and Robbie eyed it. A purple ballerina posed in a pirouette in front of a mirror. “My mother had a music box like that…”

Stephanie had that peculiar smile on her face again and she patted her hip. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Robbie raised an eyebrow.

There was no response; instead, Stephanie ran from in front of the store towards Santa’s Village. Robbie had no choice but to follow suit. They skidded to a stop in front of the line, which grew exponentially longer since they left.

“Stephanie,” Robbie bent nearly double. “What’s…” he tried to catch his breath. “What’s wrong?”

“My purse is gone. I don’t think I had it when we left earlier.” She stood on her tiptoes and tried to peer over the people standing in line. “I think it’s still inside.”

Robbie felt his stomach fall to the ground. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. I must’ve put it down to talk to the photographer,” said Robbie. He took a deep breath as he eyed the crowd. “Wait here, I’m going to see if I can talk to an elf.” Stephanie nodded and he tried to find his courage to, first, move past a family of six.

“Excuse me,” said the woman in a shrill voice. “My family has been waiting to see Santa for thirty minutes and you, sir—” she nearly spat the word on Robbie as he continued to walk forward “—should be at the end of the line.”

 “Whatever,” said Robbie mumbled. He kept an eye out for the bright colors of the elves as a focal point and it worked. A strong looking elf in a poorly designed blue costume caught his eye and he tried to alert Sportacus’s attention.

The woman followed after him, “I said, excuse me.” She shoved aside a young father beside a stroller. “We’ve been waiting for an hour. What makes you think you can just move past me like that?” Her voice alerted one of the helper elves, an older woman in a pink coat. “Excuse me, ma’am? He’s is cutting and I will not stand for it.”

The contradictions did not go over Robbie’s head nor did the observation of the woman shoving the man aside. However, the elf in the pink coat distracted Robbie from his thoughts as she approached him with a hand in his face.

“Sir,” she said with a stern tone. “I need you to go to the end of the line.”

“No, no, no,” said Robbie. “You don’t understand. My daughter—”

“Will need to wait at the end of the line, sir.”

“But—”

The elf shook her head. “At the end of the line, sir, please; or I will be forced to call security.”

Mouth agape Robbie looked around for some kind of support. None of which he received. The man that the shrill woman shoved even shook his head and whispered to his wife. The shrill woman made him the bad guy. Robbie isn’t the villain; he’s just misunderstood. The shrill woman had a triumphant look on her face and Robbie was forced back towards the end of the line where he met Stephanie again. “I’m sorry, sweetie, I really can be an awful father sometimes. I just thought that if I could talk to one of the workers than it would be solved quickly enough.” Robbie sighed. “I saw that Sportaelf and I thought I could talk to him but that mean woman cornered me.”

“Did you notice him by his poorly tailored sleeves because you’re a professional?”

“He’s wearing blue and no one else is,” countered Robbie.

Stephanie giggled and pointed towards a young college-aged woman in the same blue costume as Sportacus. “You were saying, father?”

“You know,” said Robbie. “I would take this opportunity to call you an awful child but I’ve proven myself to be a mediocre father today so I don’t think it’s warranted.” He sighed, “I’m sorry I called you that. You’re a good kid.”

Stephanie wrapped her arms around his waist. “I know you’re full of self-pity right now but this isn’t that big of a deal. I said it before and I’ll say it again: you took me to the mall to see Santa and before that, you made me this pretty dress. You just got distracted and forgot the purse, it really is okay.”

Robbie didn’t deserve this child.

After what felt like forever (but only about a half-an-hour passed) one of the worker elves approached them for a name to tell Santa. Robbie stared off into space and into the darkness of his own heart so he didn’t even notice until the elf spoke.

“Hi there, welcome to Santa’s Village in the East Bigcity Mall.” It was Sportacus.

“Hi Sportacus!”

Sportacus tilted his head to the side (like a puppy, thought Robbie) and smiled, “Hi there, Stephanie, right? We didn’t expect to see you back so soon.”

“My purse got left inside Santa’s house. We were hoping to get it back.”

Sportacus crossed his arms while Stephanie talked and Robbie thought the sleeves of his costume would explode off. “Gosh, that’s terrible. If you can stand out of the queue and wait a moment I can go see if it’s there. If it’s not there then another helper must’ve taken it to Lost and Found.” He led them out of the line and to the side of the Santa’s Village set up. “Wait here and I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

He hurried back through the line towards Santa’s house. Robbie and Stephanie waited patiently. “I’m really sorry, Stephanie,” said Robbie. “This is my fault.”

“You’ve already said that and I already told you that it was just a mistake.”

He wrapped his arms around Stephanie in a tight hug. “You’re too good for me, Pinkie. You don’t need to buy me that music box. You’re the best gift I’ve ever received.”

“Aw.” She spun around and wrapped her arms around her father in a tight hug. “You know what this means? This means you can’t call me an awful child for the entire year,” she said with a giggle.

Robbie chuckled, “Well the entire year ends in three weeks so…”

“Dad!” Stephanie squealed. “That’s mean. You’re a mean father. Only a mean father could raise an awful child, right?”

“Yeah,” chuckled Robbie.

Sportacus walked up with the overly decorated clipboard in hand. “I hope I’m not interrupting but does this—” he held up a small pink purse for Stephanie to see “—look familiar?”

“Yes, that’s it. Thank you.” She swung the strap over her shoulder and beamed up at Sportacus. “Thank you so much. Now I can get my dad’s present.”

“No, honey, you really don’t, said Robbie. He spoke to Sportacus, “Thank you, I, uh, appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem, really; it’s my job as Santa’s helper after all.”

Robbie tried to subdue a chuckle but he was unsuccessful. “That’s as cheesy as the name Sportacus, you know.” He groaned internally just as the words left his mouth. He really was a mean man to insult someone who just helped him.

“Alex. My name is Alex. Sportacus is something they called me in college. It’s a dumb story about how I misspelled Spartacus as Sportacus in an essay and the name stuck. I wasn’t mad because the kids that I mentored loved it and said it was the name of a superhero.” He held out his hand, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Robert but everyone calls me Robbie.” Robbie shook Sportacus’s—Alex’s—hand and was completely unsurprised by the strength of his grip. And yet…

Sportacus chuckled, “A simple but effective nickname, I’d say.”

“Also, when you put it like that, then I guess Sportacus kind of does sound like a superhero name.” Robbie smiled. “It certainly sounds better as a superhero name than it does an elf name. it should be something like Sporta-jingle or something. You know?”

Stephanie watched them, “Can I ask you a question? My dad is bothered by your costume. He’s a tailor and he says that your sleeves are too small. Can he fix them? That could be a repayment for how you helped up today.”

Robbie turned beet red. “Sweetie, you don’t need to ask the nice elf something like that. Thank you for your help today but we should be going.” He tried to push, pull, anything to move Stephanie away from Sportacus. Unfortunately, he failed. He was a weak man and she was a strong, stubborn, child.

“He’s a professional, Sportacus, and only wants people to wear the best fitting clothes, after all.”

“I don’t think this is professional, Stephanie,” sputtered Robbie.

Stephanie waved away his concerns. “It’s professional enough. Now, if you wanted to be unprofessional about it then I could’ve invited him to have dinner with us.” She beamed up at Sportacus, “I got an old copy of The Joy of Cooking and I’ve been practicing. I can’t practice too much because dad barely trusts me with knives. I can make a mean chocolate rocky road fudge cake, though. It’s dad’s favorite.”

Sportacus blushed, “I know, it’s a little embarrassing.” He held his arms behind his back. “While I appreciate the offer I’m not sure if it’s worth the time considering that Santa’s going back to the North Pole soon, and all.” He looked back at Santa’s Village and caught the eye of the pink coated older woman who frowned. “Ah. I need to get back soon, but, um, I do have a suit that’s been giving me trouble.” He scribbled something on the overly decorated clipboard with the overly decorated pen and tore it off to hand to Robbie. “That’s my number. We can trade: a home cooked dinner for a tailoring job? Sound fair?” He looked at Stephanie, “I’m not much a fan of sweets or chocolate but I would love it if you could make a fruity dessert.”

Robbie’s palms sweated so much that he thought the ink would smear across his thumb as he gingerly held the paper in his hand. He wanted to say something suave or classy. Maybe at least a Christmas elf pun to tie in with the stupid costume Sportacus wore and be funny; instead, he said, “Really?”

“I saw you stare at my arms so you must take your profession very seriously,” Sportacus said with a wink at Robbie. “Let me know when you want to do this and I’ll bring my suit.” He took a few steps back and said, “Bye Stephanie. It was nice to meet you,” before he hurried back to Santa’s Village.

Left alone on the edge of the North Pole, as it were, Robbie felt quite warm and Stephanie had that peculiar smile on her face.

“Hey dad,” said Stephanie, “You want to guess what my Christmas wish was?”

“I thought,” Robbie said and his voice cracked because his voice was as dry as kindling, “That if you told me then it wouldn’t come true?”

Stephanie twirled her skirt, “Well I think it just came true.”

“What?”

“I asked Santa that you wouldn’t be lonely for Christmas.” She wrapped her arms around Robbie’s waist and looked up at him. “Merry Christmas, dad, I think I just got you a date for Christmas.”

Robbie stood with his arms at his sides (side. One wrapped around Stephanie anyway) and stared into the distance. “I…cannot…”

“How’s that for buttering up?” Stephanie laughed, “You can’t get rid of me now.”

“No,” said Robbie and gave his daughter a proper hug. “I wouldn’t think about it.”

Inside Robbie and Stephanie’s home there stood a beautiful Christmas tree. It was decorated with pink and purple bobbles on the insistence of Stephanie. She said that it was their favorite colors so it was perfect. However, now there was a single blue elf ornament that Stephanie bought with her allowance because she said it was only fair. Robbie had to agree.


End file.
